The Next Step

It’s time to talk about the next step.
What does that mean? I honestly have no idea. With life being so unpredictable, how can you figure out your next move when even plans get cancelled hours before they are supposed to happen.

Trying to figure out what to do next is also such a gamble. Do I take my relationship to the next level? Do I ask for a raise or promotion from work? Do I quit and start over? You can choose any of these and the outcomes are not guaranteed. You could end up disappointed, heartbroken, alone, hurt…the options are endless and as someone who struggles to think positively, these outcomes outweigh any motivation I have to take that next step.

Funny enough, that’s how you end up repeating your old, bad habits and that step never happens. You will stay stuck. You will be in that relationship you wanted out of for the past month. You will never move up that corporate ladder. You will never make the jump to change your life. You will fool yourself into what you think is happiness when, in reality, you haven’t felt true happiness in a long time. That’s how you end up drowning yourself in alcohol or drugs- to simulate that feeling when you could have just let yourself do what it is you needed/wanted.

Don’t let yourself settle. Never let yourself settle. It’s hard to not do it. Sometimes the fight to keep going gets worse and you just become lazy- that’s why I haven’t gone to the gym since 2017…that and gym memberships are expensive. Then again, if I stopped indulging in my bad habits and just went every now and then, I would feel differently. I would have taken that step to get the “summer body”.

Ever since putting myself first and choosing to not settle with my life, those next steps started becoming more and more clear. What is it that I want? I’m done searching. I went back to school and even graduated this time. I had a great internship and I was done. The next step would be what my salary would be and how can I finally pay back the people who supported me through it all.

And then I lost it.

Now my next step is cloudy. I am officially a college graduate with no job. How original of me. Instead of feeling like I have it figured out, I am now left as a statistic for “useless degrees” (my degree isn’t actually useless, I just feel like it is at the moment). So what do I do? I was told I was destined for great things by many people and now I feel as though it was a crock of sh*t. So what do I do now?
I let myself wallow. You get the long weekend to crawl into a ball, scream, drink and bitch to your friends about how life sucks and, because it’s me, make super inappropriate jokes to mask the hurt I’m feeling. Smoke some smokes, drink a bottle or two of red and just wallow.
And then I need to pull my head out of my ass.

What is my next step?

School is over. I am alone and living my best life, okay cool. But what about the job situation?

I need my driver’s license to get a job in this town? Okay. Done. Give me until July.
Still need to pay rent.
Okay, let’s apply to jobs in my field. Nothing.

Do I go back to bartending? Sure. But, that feels like 2 steps back when I have just started moving forward.

I started a band. Great. Time to rehearse. Shit. Now I have to make a schedule to accommodate everyone.

My planning of my next step is starting to look like a sh*tty romcom produced by Netflix only, in this romcom I am the funny friend- I don’t have main character energy (or whatever Gen Z kids are saying). Then again, isn’t that every female in a romcom? “I’m different. That’s why you like me. I’m not like Amber or Tiffany or whomever is the head cheerleader that you, the male lead should obviously be into because…” I’m getting out of control.

That’s my next step- ramble less. Maybe get someone else a turn to talk.

Anyway, my point is this…my next step is cloudy. If you are graduating this year and are ready to look for a job in your field, you know the feeling I am going through at the moment. It’s scary! Rejection sucks. Planning your future sucks. Especially when anything can happen. Just don’t settle. Don’t settle for that person that treats you well. Wait for the one that brings you soup when you aren’t feeling well or flowers (or in my case, wine) when you need a pick me up. Don’t settle for that job that treats you like you are so easily replaceable. Remember- you are incredible and they are lucky to have you on their side. Get that job that can’t function without you (get some good references from them too, just in case).

Don’t settle. It’s easier said than done. I know but, my next step is so muggy that I have no idea what I am doing- what I do know is that I am not going to settle. I am going to get a job in my field. I am going to make an impact in that field because I know what I bring to the table. Remind yourself of that. You are incredible. Don’t settle for anything less.

Okay. Rambling done.